If Van were a horse he would be shot

Let me say yesterday was not the day to be our Ford 2002 E-350 Van (trying to give the poor van some respect by using his full name). First of all he must sit out in the hot sun all day long....and what do we do when we finally pay him some attention...we blare his radio, turn his A/C all the way up and race through the streets of New Orleans...narrowly missing cars and dumpsters parked on the side of the street (Matt at least misses them). Well yesterday while we were on our way to the office...4 girls in tow....Sarah at the Helm...We noticed a car in the middle of the street we are trying to turn on...That does not stop our poor Van...he trudged through between the middle of the road car and the car parked not so innocently on the corner of the side of the street. Well He won! Kind of...He tore the side mirror from the parked car (on the corner) and kept on going...well Sarah Yelled "WOAH BOY" (not really but figuritivly) and the was drawn to a halt. Matt hoppped out the handle the inpending danger of damaging a car in New Orleans. Matt went looking for the owner inside a local bar/wing place while the owner somehow got past Matt and found his car...Needless to say he said words that i can not mention and complained about how people have no respect and they keep going after they hit people. Well i calmed him down with my Boys and Girls town training (Verbal de-escalation)...and gave him the office info, because he was not going to get our house info (we live 60 yards from scene of accident). Meanwhile Sarah is talking to the Police on the phone and i tell the man the police are on the way to write a report...Well the man leaves the scene and while we are waiting for the police the Van gave up and died. Matt tell the girls to go home and he will fix the problem and wait for the police. Matt ends up catching 2 different pairs of jumper cables on fire and not even seeing the police when they show up. So the police call Sarah and Sarah meets them at the shell station across the street. the police say, "well the man left so you lucked out, we can not write a report". Yeay no ticket for Sarah...but we later find out the man has been calling the office all day long saying "when am i going to get my mirror fixed!?" Glad he does not have our number..HAHA....
Well the Van sat at WOW bar and wings until late at night despite a call from the maintenance man at 3:00pm asking where the van was so he could get the tow truck there...For all we know WOW got a tow truck to tow it...Not our problem anymore we have been promised a loaner van till ours is fixed...it hasnt shown up yet but we have hope.